There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
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I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
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You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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