Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize