The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
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I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
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I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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