worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
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you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
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Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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