yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
How's work?
Spinning.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
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You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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