I wish I only lived at night.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
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the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
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I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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