Are we in a gay sports bar?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
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my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
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I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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