My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
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So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
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Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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