You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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