dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
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You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
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So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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