just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
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Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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