Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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