When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
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Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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