the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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