so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize