I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
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Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
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Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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