He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize