I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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