I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
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He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize