porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize