so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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