forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize