the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
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Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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