So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
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He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
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I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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