You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
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The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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