It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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