I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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