So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
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Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
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Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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