I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
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Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
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