I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Houston, we have a blender
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize