Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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