apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
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It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
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I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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