It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
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She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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