you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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