weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
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I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
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Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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