Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
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Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
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btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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