hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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