New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize