Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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