I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
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u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
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There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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