Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
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I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
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It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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