If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
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we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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