Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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