So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize