im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
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I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
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10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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