mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
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