How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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