Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
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The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
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Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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