so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
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by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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