I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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