He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
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I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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