I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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