me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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