I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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